


No Conditions, No Reservations (Bonus Materials)

by sofreakinmanyfandoms



Series: No Conditions, No Reservations [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Prank Wars, Pranks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 21:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19980505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofreakinmanyfandoms/pseuds/sofreakinmanyfandoms
Summary: Additional drabbles and one-shots set in the same 'verse as NCNR.





	1. FRIDAY Joins the Prank War (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this drabble on my phone while in a hospital because I felt guilty for how long it had been since I posted anything on one of my other sites.
> 
> This site and tumblr? I'm still feeling guilty. *shrugs*

Seriously, where was your soulmate?

You'd been searching the tower for almost an hour, stubbornly refusing to ask FRIDAY, determined to find him on your own. The brunet, however, seemed just as determined to not be found. 

"FRIDAY?" you gave in with a sigh. "Where's Bucky?"

"The Sergeant is currently in the vents above the Captain's studio. He and Agent Barton have been there for the past four hours."

"Why are they in the vents above Steve's studio?"

"I believe they are waiting for what Barton calls, 'the perfect shot'."

"Mhm. FRIDAY, where is Steve?"

"The Captain just returned from purchasing more cerulean blue paint."

"Where can I intercept him and how long has Tony been in his lab?"

With FRIDAY's smug approval, you intercepted Steve as he passed through the common floor on the way to the elevator that serviced the Avengers' levels. 

"I know he's been in the lab for longer periods really often," you admitted to the captain, making sure your eyes were wide with concern, "but he's still getting over that cold from last week and it's been more than eight hours since he even had coffee. He'll never recover fully without food and water. You're better than anyone else at getting him to take care of himself. Please?"

"What exactly are you asking me to do?" Steve asked, throwing away the packaging from the brush kit he'd gotten along with the paint. 

"FRIDAY already called his favorite restaurant. They're prepared for as many people as we bring. Just help me get him out of the lab and to the restaurant and you can eat with us."

On the way down to the lab, Steve seemed to realize something. 

"Why did you make a reservation for a restaurant when you don't know if Tony will even leave his lab?"

"Optimism, Steve. Between you and the reservation, I'm hoping he'll be convinced."

As Steve was arguing with Tony, your phone dinged. You surreptitiously checked your phone and found Nat's confirmation that she and Thor would meet you there. 

"Well, if the reservation's already made..."

You tuned back into the conversation just as Tony was acquiescing to Steve's cajoling. Once the lab was closed up and the three of you were on your way out, you sent a wink and a salute towards the nearest camera. Neither of the men noticed the vents silently sealing off. 

\----------

The cheerful banter among the group cut off abruptly as you entered the common floor and found a scowling and rank Bucky standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed and murder glare in full effect. 

"Who did it?" he demanded, eyes raking viciously over his friends. 

"By the Norns," Thor choked out, "you smell like you've encountered the Midgardian skunk."

The murder glare intensified. "Who. Did. It?"

Steve was making a valiant effort not to cover his nose. "Who did what, Buck?"

"Wow, FRI," you laughed through the sweater sleeve clamped over your nose and mouth, "what did you do?"

"I believe it's called a prank." The AI's voice contained a hint of pride. "Several chemicals combined properly simulate the odor of skunk spray, and the same system that can filter chemicals from the air can be reversed to disperse them."

Your soulmate was staring at you with a hurt expression. "Y/N? What do you know about this?"

"I know that if you want to cuddle tonight you'd better get that smell scrubbed off." You paused as you walked past him and added with a smirk, "And I know you shouldn't try to prank Steve. He's an innocent angel."

Bucky's spluttering and Steve's indignant exclamation didn't stop you from continuing towards your room. The last thing you heard before disappearing into the stairwell was Clint as he joined the group. 

"I took three showers and I _still_ can't get the smell out of my hair!"


	2. Bucky and the 'Bots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you courtesy of my readers on Quotev. It was a thank you for reaching 3k readers there, so they picked the prompt from a list I gave them.
> 
> Prompt: Bucky has a panic attack. The 'bots help him through it.

“FRIDAY,” Bucky asked as he took in the absolute wreck that was the media room, “why does it look like a popcorn bomb went off in here?”

“Misters Barton and Lang decided to wage a food war instead of watch a movie,” the AI replied, amusement coloring her tone as best it could. “The Captain found them and was in the midst of lecturing them on wastefulness when Boss came in and recruited them all for a mission in Kamchatka.” After a pause, FRIDAY added, “They elected to not ring the assembly call because it was determined that they could complete it without you, and the mission is likely to run through your date tomorrow with Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Punk thinking he’s taking care of me but still leaving me with a mess to clean up, as usual,” Bucky muttered. “Did Tony finish his cleaning bot prototype yet?”

“Yes and no. Boss has completed both the bot and the programming, but hasn’t installed the latter in the former yet.”

“Can you talk me through starting the download? I think I’ve got the perfect scenario for a test run here.”

“Of course, Sergeant.” FRIDAY seemed delighted at the prospect. “It’d be my pleasure.”

\----------

“How mad do you suppose Tony would be if I named his bot?” Bucky asked, more to himself than to any of the room’s numerous AI occupants. DUM-E beeped happily, though the brunet had no idea why.

“There,” he said as the download finished. “Now, just gotta flip the switch, and…”

The prototype cleaning bot whirred to life. It managed to look remarkably curious about its surroundings for not having a face, although Bucky imagined Tony must have given it some way to navigate and map the areas it cleaned.

“Hey… Buddy?” The bot focused on Bucky and were it a puppy it would have wagged its tail. The enthusiasm made the man laugh. “Okay, Buddy it is. Tony’ll just have to live with that name.”

“I can print it on the vinyl Boss uses,” FRIDAY supplied helpfully. “It’ll only take a minute.”

“What do you think?” he asked the bot, who beeped cheerily. “Thanks, FRIDAY, that would be great.”

One literal minute later, Bucky pulled the vinyl stickers from the printer, smiling when he saw the AI had spelled it “BUD-E”.

“Aw, looks like your spelling will match your big brother’s, isn’t that right DUM-E?”

The older bot beeped happily from where he, U, and Butterfingers were checking out the newest family member. BUD-E squealed and darted out from between the larger bots to hide behind the soldier. Bucky laughed at the bots’ antics and carefully applied BUD-E’s name to the side of his base.

“Okay, little guy, now let’s get you upstairs and start training you how to clean. Lesson one: popcorn.”

BUD-E followed Bucky out of the workshop and into the elevator to a chorus of disappointed beeps from the lab bots. The little cleaner bot moved all over in the smaller space, reaching his arms out to touch the different surfaces and grasp the railing. When the door opened, he shot out into the hall and screeched to a stop upon detecting the mess. With a happy little trill that reminded Bucky of a tribble, he darted towards the popcorn and began running over it, sucking up the pieces and leaving a trail of clean flooring in his wake.

“I guess Tony’s got you programmed pretty well, huh Bud?” Bucky asked, watching the bot affectionately. “Thanks for helping with the mess. Cleaning it up myself would have left me pretty mad at Barton and Lang.” He reached over and picked up one of the many throw blankets strewn across various surfaces. When he shook it out before folding it, more pieces of popcorn fell out. BUD-E attacked them with another happy trill.

Forty-five minutes and three times emptying BUD-E’s trash compartment later (there was a _lot_ of popcorn), the media room was finally clean. Bucky went ahead and had FRIDAY take some performance notes for Tony’s next cleaning bot, mainly the slightly awkward access to the bot’s internal trash bags and how a vacuum tube arm would be helpful for cleaning under hard-to-reach areas – BUD-E had managed fine, but while watching him pull out popcorn piece by piece from under the couch was inarguably adorable, it was also immensely time consuming in comparison to how quickly he was able to vacuum everything off the open floor.

A growl from Bucky’s stomach reminded the soldier what he’d been on his way to do before getting distracted by the frankly ridiculous mess. He was in the kitchen checking out the contents of the fridge when he heard another happy trill and turned to find BUD-E picking a dried piece of something out from under the oven.

“Don’t mind me,” he assured the little bot as it returned its focus to the brunet. “I’m just getting something to eat. Feel free to wander around and clean stuff up or head back to the lab.”

Bucky pulled a carton of leftover kung pao shrimp out of the fridge and hopped onto the kitchen island to eat it, fishing a pair of chopsticks out of the silverware drawer between his legs. He watched BUD-E roam around the kitchen picking old food and wrappers out of various cracks and from under the edge of the larger appliances. When the bot couldn’t find anything else in his reach in need of cleaning, he made his way to where Bucky’s legs were hanging off the edge of the island and simply sat there watching the soldier eat.

“Seriously, Bud,” the brunet laughed, “you don’t have to follow me around. I’m not your mom or whatever. Do your own thing.”

The bot beeped sadly and slowly started to roll away.

“Aw,” Bucky sighed, “you don’t _have_ to go. I’m not making you leave if you don’t want to. I just don’t want you to stay because you think you’re supposed to.”

With another happy trill, BUD-E was right back at his feet. Bucky couldn’t help the grin that broke across his face and he reached into the carton and pulled out a shrimp tail. He flicked the tail across the kitchen, and with a squeal the cleaner bot raced for it and proudly deposited it into his trash compartment.

The two of them spent the next few minutes entertaining themselves in that manner: Bucky would take a bite and flick another shrimp tail across the kitchen. BUD-E would race after it, and by the time he’d properly disposed of it Bucky would have had time to eat a few more shrimp.

“Here,” Bucky said when he was done, holding his empty carton out to the bot. “Your internal trash bag is nice, but not everything will fit in there. You need to put the bigger pieces someplace else. In the cabinet under the sink is a bigger trash can. Can you put this in there for me?” He pointed to the correct cupboard and BUD-E beeped twice before taking the carton and heading for the door. It took him a moment of studying the cabinet before he figured out how to open the door, but once he saw the trash can he let out yet another trill (Bucky decided this was by far the most enthusiastic bot Tony had ever built, and that was taking into account how much DUM-E loved using the fire extinguisher) and deposited the carton in it.

“Good boy, Bud!” Bucky praised the bot when it returned to him practically vibrating with excitement. “Now we should probably change your trash bag again so you don’t end up smelling like old shrimp.”

BUD-E had a built-in compartment for new trash bags as well, but when Bucky went to pull a new one out he found it was empty. Apparently Tony hadn’t counted on a single bot having to deal with a mess the size of the media room popcorn debacle. FRIDAY informed them the full roll of bags was on one of the workbenches in lab, so Bucky let BUD-E deposit the shrimp-filled bag in the kitchen trash and led the small bot back down to the lab.

He had just re-sealed the bot’s external cover when the lights went out.

“FRIDAY?” Bucky asked as he froze. It had been a long time since he’d been in such complete darkness; Tony’s lab was sealed off from the outside world, allowing absolutely no light in from the outside. The soldier waited in silence for sixty-four heartbeats before the emergency lights flickered on.

“My apologies, Sergeant,” FRIDAY’s voice came over the speakers. “Something has disrupted the tower’s connection to its arc reactor. Emergency backup power has been activated, but for the sake of security Boss’s lab is on lockdown until he manually enters the administrator override code.

_“You really thought you could escape this time, didn’t you?”_

_Blood on his hands and the knife they’re holding. Bodies everywhere. Five rifles pointing at his head from across the room as Zola smirks at him from behind the safety of bulletproof glass._

_Snap! Blinding pain._

_“Sergeant Barnes, when will you learn that all this fighting is futile? Although I suppose it doesn’t matter now. Bring him in. It’s ready.”_

_A long, cold corridor, empty except for the agents dragging him towards the room at the far end where Zola stood waiting. Something attached to the metal arm to keep it from functioning, the dead weight of it and the pain from his now broken right wrist nearly knocking him out flat._

_Almost made it. Almost got out. The door was right there, but they were waiting…_

_The room. In the center, a chair._ The _chair. The chair Zola has been trying to build since he first woke up with a metal arm and started fighting._

_Strapped in. Zola smiling down at him. Have to get out. Can’t move…_

_“Don’t worry, Sergeant. This will hurt, but you won’t remember when it’s over. When it is over, you will be free from yourself. Now relax and let us take care of you, Sergeant.”_

_Sergeant._

_Sergeant?_

_Sergeant…_

“Sergeant Barnes! You are in Avengers Tower. The date is February 3, 2019. You are safe. The power went out and we are on lockdown…”

Bucky snapped out of the flashback at cold feeling of a metal claw to his face and became aware of FRIDAY talking as he scrambled back and away from whatever had touched him. His back hit the wall and he focused his eyes on BUD-E, who was beeping uncertainly with one of his arms still held out. U was holding a blanket out to him and DUM-E was to the side gathering what looked like the fixings for a smoothie from the mini-fridge in the far corner. BUTTERFINGERS was digging through a drawer when he suddenly beeped and pulled out a heart-shaped pillow.

Slowly, Bucky held his hand out to U, who ignored it and instead did his best to wrap the surprisingly heavy blanket around the soldier’s shoulders. Once the bot had backed up, BUTTERFINGERS moved in and dropped the pillow in his lap, reaching down and very carefully pinching the tag. There was a faint click and the pillow started vibrating in a slow heartbeat rhythm.

DUM-E came over and shoved a smoothie into Bucky’s face. He took it in his right hand, the metal arm curling around the pillow and instinctively pulling it up against his chest. A tentative sip proved it at least didn’t taste contaminated, so he held the flavor in his mouth for a moment before swallowing.

FRIDAY’s monologue was still going, and as helpful as it had been for pulling him out of his head it wasn’t what he wanted to listen to at the moment.

“FRIDAY?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes, Sergeant.” The AI cut off mid-phrase to address him. “How can I assist you?”

“Can you play that album Y/N has been listening to a lot lately? The electronic one that always makes her happy?” Bucky had asked once why you liked to listen to it so often, and you told him the poppy synth made it impossible for bad thoughts to take over. As the first few notes started playing, he immediately saw what you meant; the upbeat sound made the whole room feel lighter and further confirmed to his mind that he was no longer in the past.

Finally, Bucky’s attention turned back to BUD-E. The cleaning bot was still hovering a little ways away, rolling back and forth in a sort of nervous shuffle.

“Hey, Bud, sorry for scaring you. The power going out and the emergency lighting triggered some bad memories. I’m gonna be okay, though; this stuff is helping.” He tugged the pillow closer and took another sip of the smoothie, letting the tart berry flavor again linger before he swallowed. “You can come closer now, if you like.”

The bot rushed in to his side, tucking itself under both the blanket and his flesh arm and nearly spilling the smoothie. Bucky felt a laugh startle out of him and the last of the tension eased from his body.

“Thanks, guys,” he said, looking around where the three larger bots were still hovering. “And thanks, FRIDAY.”

“Of course, Sergeant.”

\----------

It was almost two days before the rest of the Avengers finally got back and Tony was able to enter his override to open the lab. You were the first to enter, launching yourself at your soulmate the moment you saw him.

“I couldn’t get to you,” you gasped into his shirt, tears already wetting the fabric. “I got home from work and FRIDAY told me where you were but I couldn’t get past the lobby and I couldn’t get to you. I had to stay with my parents and I didn’t know whether or not you were okay.”

“I’m all right, doll,” he whispered in your ear. “The FRIDAY and the bots took care of me, I promise. Besides, Tony’s got this place fully kitted out for living down here. I’m all right.”

_I’m all right._

\----------

Tony was both annoyed and delighted that BUD-E continued following Bucky everywhere, rather like a duckling.


	3. Prank Buddies (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an idea I've had since the prank war started gaining traction. It didn't fit into the main fic, so I'm putting it here.

“I swear, Clint, if you don’t change it back right now I’m going to –” Your rant cut off as you entered the common room and realized why the archer had his bow drawn. Past him, the room was filled with the Avengers in various defensive positions facing a just-arrived Thor. The Asgardian had his arms outspread in a placating gesture, and behind him, wearing an amused smirk, stood Loki.

“You,” your eyes narrowed as you surveyed the newcomer from head to toe, “will do quite nicely. Come with me.” And to the astonishment of everyone around you, you marched through the room, grabbed the god of mischief by the arm, and began dragging him off behind you.

Everyone froze with uncertainty, but Bucky managed to speak. “Uh, Y/N? What are you doing?”

“Making use of available resources,” you informed him, exiting the room with a bemused Loki, “since _someone_ decided it was okay to go through _all of my books_ and tape tiny pictures of Nicholas Cage’s face over the protagonist’s names each time they’re mentioned.”

Your exit left the room in silence, broken only by Clint’s whispered, “Shit. I’m dead, aren’t I?”

\----------

Loki studied the tiny figures you were dumping in a huge pile on Clint’s bed. Reaching down, he picked up a plastic camel and studied it closely. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to use small hawks, considering Barton’s code name?”

“Yes,” you admitted, emptying the fifth bag of camel figures onto the purple coverlet. “But the only birds I could find in mass quantities were falcons, so I’m saving them for the next time Sam tries to prank me. I figure camels should be annoying enough.”

“This is pointless. Why play such amateur pranks when I could make his coffee taste like bilgesnipe piss or make him unable to hit a target outside of battle?”

“Because the number one rule of pranks, according to tumblr, is, ‘Confuse, don’t abuse’.” You paused as you emptied the final bag. “Although I’ll keep that target one in mind in case he does something truly terrible.”

Loki dropped the camel back on the now impressive pile while you collected the empty plastic bags. “And you require my help with this why?”

“I require your help,” you stuffed the empty bags in your back pocket, “because having all the camels run and hide whenever he enters his room will ensure it takes ten times as long for him to clean them all up.”

“I could make them all attack him instead!” Loki said, perking up.

“What part of, ‘Confuse, don’t abuse,’ is so hard for you to grasp? No. I’m just going to spread these all over the room, and you spell them so they run and hide whenever Clint tries to pick them up.”

“Fine. But I would like it known that your pranks are childish and dull, and far below the level of my skill with sedr.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Severus Snape, you’re an all-powerful sorcerer and we tremble before your might. Just do it.”

He sniffed, but once the camels were distributed across the entirety of Clint’s room, Loki breathed a few mumbled words and the plastic figures came to life. “There. When the Hawk enters, they will run from him and hide. When he holds them for more than one minute, they will return to their original inanimate state.”

“And none of them will attack him?” you double-checked.

“You have so little faith in me?”

“I have exactly as much faith in you as you deserve. How many did you enchant to attack him?”

“Only one. It won’t be able to hurt him and I find the thought of a tiny camel trying to take down Barton immensely amusing.”

You didn’t try to inhibit the laugh that slipped out. “Fine. One is alright. Now let’s get out of here before Clint gets back.”

\----------

No one ever dared prank Loki, but he gladly helped anyone who asked with their pranks on each other even as he complained about such things being beneath his skill. The camaraderie eventually led to him joining the team.

It took two weeks for Clint to track down all the tiny camels. He didn’t know that holding them would return them to their original state, so he put them all in a bunch of cardboard boxes and dumped them in your room. Thor found them delightful and made Tony build a tiny desert for them, with a little oasis with mini plastic palm trees. The thunder god ground up grain and hay into a fine powder to feed them, and they lived quite happily in their enclosure on his floor.

Thor eventually had a miniature zoo with all the plastic animals Loki brought to life. They made him almost as happy as having his brother fight alongside him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor with a little aviary of birds that were enchanted to follow Sam and Clint.
> 
> Thor creating tiny thunderstorms over a little rainforest diorama for all his rainforest animals.
> 
> Thor with a tiny zoo is my new favorite headcanon.


End file.
